Aug-12-10

~Father, humbly I offer you this prayer. May I never forget the mercy you have offered me….the grace that has been given, Your very love poured out in the form of Your precious Son’s blood for my sins…..~

Forgive me for wasting time, not spending time in Your word and getting to know you more. I do realize this is seen by my kids and how they would see Your word as not important to me. I want my life to be a pure reflection of You and have allowed self-righteousness and pride to creep in. Lord, please give Your people more of Your Spirit. Pour out on us more. Help us grow into holiness and perfection as Your word says. Help us trust You above all else.

“Early in the morning will I seek You” but I seek after facebook instead. Lord, forgive me.

“Your love is better then life and my lips will praise You.” I have instead sought after my own praise from the lips of men. Lord, forgive me.

“My soul thirsts for You…in a dry and weary land where there is no water..” I have instead thirsted for company, friendship, recognition . Please forgive me, Lord.

I have not sought after Your love, Your wisdom, Your friendship but sought after people and accolades…as stupid as it is >”likes”< on my insignificant posts. Father, forgive me for my wandering heart. Forgive me, Father, I have not let Your spirit guide me but my own feelings of condemnation(pride). I have been watching of what I post on fb because of ‘man’s’ opinions instead of Your’s. Father, I have allowed so many things to cloud my vision…I have been blinded by my own pride and ‘self’-righteousness. Father! Forgive me! So blinded and stupidly letting myself be led by people instead of You.

For years now, I have prayed for wisdom and humility…I added to that meekness, godly character and integrity, recently. Lord, complete Your work in me…add to me anything according to Your will. Work in me to refine and purify me. Lord, do it! I know I don’t know what I’m asking but I DO trust You. I know that You will do things according to Your ‘perfect work’ that You do in Your people. Thank You Lord for Your unending patience and faithfulness. Thank You Lord that You will never leave me nor forsake me. You are trust ‘worthy’.

I listened to two sermons yesterday. One by Andrew Murray on prayer and the other by John Piper…he prayed his sermon. Both really spoke to me but today I can hardly remember either one. Father, my heart is so dull. My mind wandering and unfocused. My sights are everywhere…my house, my body, my laundry, my kids, meals…duties! I have felt overwhelmed by my tasks and I know that I have had such sweet fellowship with You that to get my tasks done was ‘not a thought’, because ‘my mind was stayed on You’. I have wandered like a sheep out of the pasture. Please, Lord, bring me back! Cause my very being to yearn for You. Cause my mind to stay on You. Cause my heart to fear You so that I don’t turn away. Bring me back to the day of my first love…when my heart was a flame that burned brightly for You. When Your word flowed from my tongue without effort. “Out of the heart the mouth speaks…” I need You to restore me to Your side and please keep me there. Thank You for Your faithfulness, thank You that You watch over and protect Your children. Thank You that Your strength is perfect in my weakness…in my failure. You truly are worthy to receive ALL glory, honor and praise forever and ever.

I think of David…how he walked into the sin of adultery and then murder. Father, there is something so fearful in this! He had a heart after Your own. He loved You so much! How does this happen? How do we know Your intimate Presence, feel Your love, know the extent of Your mercy towards us and then turn towards ‘self’ and the world? I have done this! I have turned from Your majesty, Your beauty, Your loving Presence and faithfulness towards things and people who care only for their own gain and ‘self’. Father, save me from this wretch that I am! Turn me from my own ‘vomit’ back to the choice food from Your table. Don’t let me settle for the ‘right words’, let my heart and mind be right in Your sight. Let me be upright and blameless before You. Do Your work, O God, and restore a right spirit within me. I need You, my Lord! I need You more than a heartbeat or breath…Your very life gives LIFE! Let my ‘resurrection life’ be as real as Your resurrection. Let it be real and true…so that I may reflect Your love, Your mercy, Your grace to all people. I want You and You alone…I know the ‘shiny’ of this world is just fools gold. Thank You for revealing Your Truth to this wretch. <3

Aug-11-10

It seems in Christianity that we are more like cattle than sheep. We all follow the same trail without the question–’where is this leading me?’ I notice this as many debate the topic of gathering in church buildings or homes, whether we should speak the truth (no matter how offensive our attitude is) or be quiet, whether we should give up ‘our’ ministry on facebook or not. It all seems to come back to the same place…‘me’.

Does God need me? No. He did fine before ‘me’ and He will do fine after ‘me’. Can I contribute anything to His work? This is a harder question to answer. I believe two things come into play here and we all need to answer this question after much thought: Are you doing this for your own personal satisfaction or for His glory? Please only answer this after you have asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the Truth.

Jesus said that we are His witnesses. Witnesses of what? Consider this: the only thing we are truly witnesses of is His work in us! I can quote all the greats: George Muller, Hudson Taylor, Charles Spurgeon, Tozer, etc, but I have only experienced my own relationship (or lack thereof) with Jesus. I only know Him as He is to me. Yes, I can relate to others. I can understand where these men may be coming from, but they are great because of their own experiences, not from sharing someone else’s. They spoke of the reality that Christ was to them not the reality that He was to someone else.

There is a distrust between the brethren. I believe this comes from lack of testimony and revelation of that individual as we see the way we each respond out of that distrust. There is no foundation to build on. We see one another post quotes, opinions, scripture but hardly ever ‘personal’ anything. There are bits and pieces at best but they don’t make up the person on the other side of the conversation. I am bringing my perspective (that you don’t know) and you are bringing your perspective (that I don’t know) and then we are left to muddle through with assumptions about each other. This is found across the board in all areas of Christianity here in North America. There is no true fellowship…the kind where we bear witness of Christ at work in us through our past, present and future. Coffee and donuts, quotes and scripture are no foundation for the body of Christ to function from. There is a person–struggling, victorious, tired, restored–in that fellow believer. I am sure that I am not alone when I say that I want to hear what Christ has done for you-from start to finish-the good-the bad- and the ugly. Let’s stop letting Satan divide and conquer. We are not only allowing him to cause division through our petty misunderstandings but we are showing the world that we don’t love one another as Christ commanded us. Christ in us…this is not just superficial…it should not be taken lightly. Let us hold each other up under the magnifying love of Christ….we should not be so easily miffed…not be so easy to hit delete…maybe, we might even begin to pray for one another to grow more so that we can, each and everyone, be encouraged by the growth we see in each other….this is unity.

~Some thoughts~ July-4-10

It’s amazing to me how my pride creeps up on me so often. Just when I feel I’m doing okay…lol. It’s kind of a sad thing but I’m so very thankful that God is so forgiving as I am repentant. He is truly amazing in so many ways and deserves all praise and I truly feel thankful in all circumstances as He is conforming me to His image in every one!

I have been asking the Lord to work in me….to teach me how to pray. I truly feel like I am not where I would like to be….or even where He would like me to be when it comes to my prayer life. I do have a prayer life…in that I could have ‘pride’ but if I am distracted and just bringing a bunch of requests?? Well, it is not satisfactory to me and so I must seek Him….I must ask Him….even beg Him to pray through me for the things that He wants prayed for. To abandon my own wants and needs for His. To cling to His will and not my own….I have to tell you that I still find I am not moved by the things that should move me. I am not broken over the things that should break me. Pride….*sigh*…I am so foolish and am realizing how patient He really is with me.

Paul said that he “fought the good fight” Do we find that we are in a fight or just observing it? He said that we are to run the race as if to win. Are we “running the race” or, again, just observing? I don’t want to be content when it comes to the things of God. I want to take heaven by storm….railing against it until God comes down and meets with me….but I find I am too content with observing too often. I want to seek Him until I receive everything He has promised to those who love Him….yet, again, sitting…observing. I think of the verse in Philippians “work out your salvation with fear and trembling” I have had moments but on the whole, I have lacked the fear and the trembling:(

O God, I am transparent before You…You know everything about me. Nothing is hidden from Your sight. Please Lord, remove this laziness from my soul and replace it with urgency…even terror. Don’t let me fall asleep in the arbor (Pilgrim’s Progress) but keep me pummeled by trials and tribulation….things that knock me to my knees and cause me to cling to You. I need You! I want You! Transform me into a soldier…bold and confident in the power of Your spirit. Teach me Your ways O Lord that I may walk in them. Thank You Father.

~United in Christ~

Galatians 5:19-26 – When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, HOSTILITY, QUARRELING, jealousy, OUTBURSTS OF ANGER, selfish ambition, DISSENSION, DIVISION, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will NOT inherit the Kingdom of God. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, goodness, faithfulness, GENTLENESS, and SELF-CONTROL. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the PASSIONS and DESIRES of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or PROVOKE one another, or be jealous of one another.

Eph.4:2-6 -ALWAYS be humble and gentle. BE PATIENT with each other, making ALLOWANCE for each other’s faults(faults not sin) because of your love. Make EVERY effort to keep yourselves UNITED in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with PEACE. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.

Eph.4:30-32, 5:1,2 – And do NOT bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember He has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all BITTERNESS, RAGE, ANGER, HARSH WORDS and SLANDER, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead BE KIND to each other, tenderhearted, FORGIVING one another, just as GOD through Christ HAS forgiven you. Imitate God, therefore, in EVERYTHING you because you are His dear children. Live a life filled with LOVE, following the example of Christ. He loved us and OFFERED HIMSELF as a sacrifice FOR US, a pleasing aroma to God.

~For the meaning of love, please refer to 1 Cor.13 and John 15. Jesus told us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us, to love our neighbor as ourself and most importantly to love Him with everything. He said, how can we love Him whom we can’t see and yet hate our brother. Also, if you can’t forgive, you won’t be forgiven. We need to make every effort to live in unity/harmony with one anther. To not look out only for our own interests but to look out for the interests of others. It is better to walk away from an argument then to say things that are hurtful and out of emotion. If we take a moment to step back we may see that the other person is misunderstanding what we have said or whatever. Apply everything we say to ourselves….”Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn’t really know very much. But the person who loves God is the one whom God recognizes. (1 Cor.8:2) God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. (Eph.2:8,9) We need to show others the same mercy and grace that has been shown to us. It may not be deserved but we don’t deserve it either.~

Phil.1:27 – Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you, I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting TOGETHER for the faith, which is the Good News.

Phil.3:12-16 – I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you DISAGREE on some point, I believe GOD WILL MAKE IT PLAIN TO YOU. But we must hold on to the progress we have already made.